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Here and Now

by Heidi Watterson

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1.
21 03:25
I don't know who stole my socks Or that silence is okay. Can I balance work, class, plays, and choir? Why's there only one blue tray? I don't have any weird friends yet To go do crazy things. Is it possible to read this much? Does the winter here ever turn to spring? I am seventeen now, So this should all be clear. But that's not how I'd describe it. Maybe I'll understand next year. What if I agree with two theorists Who don't see eye to eye? If we debate till 6am, Can skipping class be justified? Do I have to call it "dating" Just because that's what it is? How are actors able to perform With honest selflessness? I have turned nineteen now, So this should all be clear. But that's not how I'd describe it. Maybe I'll understand next year. Why is it so sweet to pray in The graveyard alone at night? How did I stab my eye with a pocket knife And still retain my sight? I don't remotely grasp How my small heart can stretch to share All the monsters and the masterpieces Trusted to its care. I am twenty-one now, So this should all be clear. But that's not how I'd describe it. Maybe next year. I am twenty-one now, So much remains unclear. I'm still trying to describe it. Maybe I'll manage to next year.
2.
I Pick You 02:11
I remember this little, costumed clown Chasing Frodo around our Midwest town, Doing cartwheels and climbing every tree, Modeling for Dad’s sketching class with me, Wading in puddles, tramping through snow, Teeny and coot, but starting to grow. Only get to grow up one glorious time. Humbly speaking, I think we turned out fine, But there’s still tons of learning left to do, If we get to pick siblings, I pick you. Suddenly, the Magoo becomes a man, Mastering the French Horn in high school band, Braving two days of Greyhounds, just for me, Soaking in the sweet strains of “Memory,” Chugging Tabasco, driving alone, Willing to learn, and set to leave home. Only get to grow up one glorious time. Humbly speaking, I think we turned out fine, But there’s still tons of learning left to do, If we get to pick siblings, I pick you. Only get to grow up one glorious time. Humbly speaking, I think that we turned out fine, But there’s still tons of learning left to do, If we get to pick siblings, I pick you.
3.
I Will 02:52
Do you know who I am? Do you know what that means? I dare you, child, to realize What you know will give you peace. I can harness lightning. I taught your lungs to breathe. I’m strong enough to carve out the ocean And to make you look like me. And I will, I will. I love you, darling. I have no intention of letting you go. You’ve kicked and screamed for long enough. Won’t you please be still in my arms and know I will. I know what you’re about to think And what you dreamed last night. Your heart makes perfect sense to me. I can help you see in time. And I will, I will. I love you, darling. I have no intention of letting you go. You’ve kicked and screamed for long enough. Won’t you please be still in my arms and know I will. I dare you, child, to realize What you know will give you peace. And I will, I will. I love you, darling. I have no intention of letting you go. You’ve kicked and screamed for long enough. Won’t you please be still and know That I will, I will. I will. Trust me. I will.
4.
Choices 03:37
Put figures through computers at the breakneckest of speeds, Then kill ourselves with heart attacks that come from living fast. Technology for workout programs guaranteed to work, And chicken nuggets mass-produced to counteract success, Psychology that opens doors to helpful therapies, Is also used to advertise for cigarettes and beer, Spend thousands of our brain cells and our dollars and our days, Cramming information, not examining our ways. Information’s neutral, but its usage never is. We have a zillion choices that can help us die or live. This fire has been burning since free will breathed its first. We’ve got to learn to claim it, or what’s blessed will become cursed. We study tiny microbes so we’ll understand disease, Then think up helpful medications, treatments, and vaccines. Meanwhile, these same discoveries in other expert hands Are secretly prepared to murder countries on command. A network of computer hookups spans our little globe, So we can check our email, do our research, read the news. But half the sights are maddening, aggressive garbage dumps. And facts you thought were personal are accessed and abused. Information’s neutral, but its usage never is. We have a zillion choices that can help us die or live. This fire has been burning since free will breathed its first. We’ve got to learn to claim it, or what’s blessed will become cursed. Humanity inevitably surges on ahead, Assuming education is intrinsically good. The kids are filled with information till they overflow. They’re juggling sticks of dynamite, and most don’t even know. Ideally, it is possible to teach students to think, Especially if they are motivated to learn how. But have we dared to ask what happens with those who succeed? There are some fires we better quench, and those that we should feed. Information’s neutral, but its usage never is. We have a zillion choices that can help us die or live. This fire has been burning since free will breathed its first. We’ve got to learn to claim it, or what’s blessed will become cursed. Wisdom is gagged and struggling in the street. She needs to be heard. She needs to be freed.
5.
Lover 03:19
You have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes. My darling, my beautiful one, come away. Arise. My body may sleep, but my heart is awake Dancing its vigil for your sake. This is my lover, this my friend, Now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, For love is as strong as death. The season of singing has begun this day For a blazing fire that rivers cannot wash away. This is my lover, this my friend, Now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, For love is as strong as death. This is my lover, this my friend, Now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, For love is as strong as death.
6.
Jesus, I’m here again. Perhaps I’m ready now. You made me in the first place. I’m messed up and need remaking. Only You know how. Jesus, I’m full of monsters I invited in. I’m blind to their disguises. Fighting by myself is useless. I can’t see my sin. But in Your presence, I can see The filth of my impurity. I thought that I was doing fine Until I saw your piercing glory blazing next to mine. Jesus, You lived a love I thought I understood. Forgive my mad presumption. Overwhelm my weakness and my Way of being good. In Your presence, I can see The filth of my impurity. I thought that I was doing fine Until I saw your piercing glory blazing next to mine. Jesus, my Constant One, please hold this flighty soul. May You receive the glory As I imitate Your life And choose You as my goal. In Your presence, I rejoice. Forgiveness is your gracious choice. You know me yet you love me still. I want to stay inside Your light, and in Your strength, I will. In Your presence, I rejoice. Forgiveness is your gracious choice. You know me yet you love me still. I want to stay inside Your light, and in Your grace, I will.
7.
You know my name as love. I made you husband and wife. And since you chose to trust me, I will hold onto you for life. I will hold onto your children. I will hold onto theirs. I will not fade in your weakness. I will give wings to your prayers. La, la, da, da, da. I’m glad I formed one out of two. La, la, da, da, da. I feel quite at home here with you. No place on earth is beyond me. No heart’s immune to my gaze. No time erodes my anointing. No fool can handle my blaze. You stand as proof of my power. You built and shielded my fire. You never once looked behind you. You know what price I require. La, la, da, da, da. I’m glad I formed one out of two. La, la, da, da, da. I feel quite at home here with you. I am the life in your promise I am the wind in your sails. I am the flame in your darkness. I am the one who never fails. Your story jumps off the pages. Because I’m woven throughout. It dances on for its author. His praise is what it’s about. La, la, da, da, da. I’m glad I formed one out of two. La, la, da, da, da. I feel quite at home here with you. La, la, da, da, da. I’m glad I formed one out of two. La, la, da, da, da. I feel quite at home here with you.
8.
Celebration 02:54
9.
22 01:12
How should I respond when people ask me where I’m from? Can I revise a chapter of my life once it is done? Why does peanut butter sound so good exactly when it can’t be found? How do I live well here and now without forgetting where I’m bound? I am 22 now, so this should all be clear. But that’s not how I’d describe it. Maybe I’ll understand next year.

credits

released July 1, 2005

Vocals, piano, composition, and recording - Heidi (Friesen) Watterson
Cover design - Anno Domini Graphix

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Heidi Watterson Chicago, Illinois

Hi! I hope you thoroughly enjoy the music I've been working on... and all those splendid pictures of my feet.

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